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| This December, Double Down on Denim source |
I’ve had enough crotch-crimping mornings waking up in blue jeans to know that denim does not bust the charts in premier pajama material. But outside of this very small sliver of preference, this textile is a GOD. It’s durable, it’s casual, and to me, it’s incredibly fashionable — especially for the Holidays. Regardless of which ones you celebrate, observe, or admonish equally with your jaded Uncle Billy.
So while you’re slowly drinking the sugary egg nectar known as “Nog,” take a moment to look down below your torso. What type of textile is trimming your thighs? Is it denim? Are you a guy? Then that’s okay. And if you’re a lady, wearing denim below the waist is perfectly okay, too.
The ghosts of Levi, Strauss, and Sears-Roebuck smile upon anyone that still wears blue jeans and her derivatives frequently. Between apple pie, french fries, and Kardashian nudes, blue jeans have ascended into American royalty. I realize this isn’t a Monarchy, but denim is king. Not too long ago, many of us even wore denim above the waist, and many of our Northern neighbors still do. That’s right, I’m talking about Canada.
Canada is a country that believes in socialized medicine and wearing denim as if it were chic medieval armor. The Canucks drink their milk out of bags and look damn good while doing it. And although it’s called a jacquet, their ‘jacket’ is still jacked with denim.
BUT…
A.) how much denim is too much denim?
HA-HA don’t make me chortle! There is NO SUCH THING as TOO MUCH DENIM.
and B.) is there such a thing as too much denim?
Didn’t I just answer that?
DO YOU NEED A GERMAN MERMAID TO EXPLAIN IT TO YOU?!?
Oh wow. Sorry for getting toasty in the trousers. It’s just when you get passionate about something, you know? Anyway, for those of you “Visual Learners” that fail to see my point, here’s a quick denim deployment guide to get you through the whimsical belief-paste that is the Holidays:
DENIM ENSEMBLE APPROPRIATENESS
Just a pair ‘o’ jeans OK
One pair jeans, one denim vest Satisfactory
Just a denim vest What about your legs?
One denim jacket If you’re also chain-smoking, it should suffice
Denim jacket plus denim vest Which two of your cousins are getting married?
Pair ‘o’ jeans, one denim jacket, FUCKING STELLAR
one denim vest
Pair ‘o’ jeans, one denim jacket,
one denim vest, AND a denim hat You just ruined it. Burn the hat.
