Operation: Dessert Storm



*The following is a work of complete fiction.



The repeal of 'don't ask, don't tell,' has had some unique consequences. Originally, a gradual change was desired, but there was always a fear that many branches of the Armed Forces would go through some serious flux in the wake of the repeal. But in all estimation, they could have never predicted this.

In its place, has come another policy. A policy that reflects a change both swift and drastic. A policy that although worded similarly, is spoken differently. An ultra progressive turning of the tide that may have nudged open a floodgate.


Enter the codification of:

'Don't ask, Do TELL!'

A new era ushered in, in the name of National defense and high fashion.


"We're playing in the Saaaaaaaaand!"


"Hey guyyyyssss! It's St. Patrick's Day! Let's. Get. FRISSSSKYYYYY!"


"Okay, okay, I'll bring the Chardonnay!"


"Oh don't eat that hamburger bun! It's a love handle waiting to happen!"



This is the tale of one infantry. An infantry of extreme compromise.

A battalion composed only of men who are only attracted to other men.

They have been deployed to bring peace to the Middle East... and even more open-mindedness. These happily and scantily-clad soldiers are on a new freedom-fighting mission: Operation Dessert Storm.

You'd swear you could hear the bullish bellowing of Oprah Winfrey coming from the center of their formation, but that just isn't the case. These are cheery, effeminate men, and they're approaching democratic reform from the back door.

They're readied for battle, and also prepared to party. And in either instance, they'll put increased effort into looking good while doing it. Donning a new embodiment of standard dress, they will in no way look fatigued like the soldiers before them.

Probably a little too "ultra-progressive," this "Army of Fun" pushes the envelope no matter how scrupulous you consider your own morals. They're there, they've got flair, and they aren't going anywhere.

Besides all of the aforementioned above, there are still many similarities within this unit drawn to platoons of the past. Their armaments are basically the same. Semi-automatic weapons, armored vehicles, Berettas, stud missiles, the whole shebang. Their MRE's might draw a little more ire, but those are the same too. Even though they cross the line, they still fall in line. And even though they refuse to wear white after Labor Day, they are also fine with not wearing white on any day. Strangely attired, yet still uniform. Not wearing the exact same uniform as before, but still conforming to a set attire. Just ascot.

What seems like unlimited funding for what seems to be unlimited fun, the members of Operation: Dessert Storm ultimately look on the bright side of things. The 120 degree weather may be torrid, but so is the Iraqi sense of chic. You won't hear Godsmack back in the barracks, but you won't have to look far for the latest copy of US Weekly either. Each and every difference a change that's embraced. A sense of pride away from the parade.

They're out there and on a mission, and after the dust settles in their Kuwake, there will be one lasting lesson:

Taco Bell isn't the only place that has Fourthmeal.