A Collection Of Horrible Puns

We were recently on a lengthy roadtrip with my 71 year-old leather-skinned, gray-haired grandpa. He had been having digestive issues all vacation, and had forced us to stop at each and every travel plaza along the way. We had to stop so frequently that we began calling him “Anderson Pooper.”

So Ben Kenobi and Luke Skywalker are having dinner, and the first course is a garden salad. A food preparation surprisingly unknown to Tatooine. Anyway, the young Skywalker was having trouble addressing the food in front of him properly, to which Obi Wan felt prompted in saying “use the fork, Luke.”

A group of weary travelers were walking down a country road searching for a nearby town. They looked at some cows, hoping they could steer them in the right direction.

A 9 year-old boy was staying up well past his bedtime watching Anime. You could say that was pretty Dragon Ballsy.

5 lighthearted men came to an unfortunate demise in a plane crash, and all died simultaneously. As provided in the last will and testament for each they had a clause that gave provisions for how to handle their funeral services for this exact scenario. As they did in life, they did in death, and decided to keep things fun. Instead of a traditional funeral motorcade, they decided to have a hearse race. Unfortunately, it ended in a dead heat.

Kegs + Stairs = Donkey Kong

It was world war II, and the German Navy was very unsure about their future offensives. Things became so bleak towards the end of the war, that a high-ranking officer had this exchange with one of his inferiors: “the stress and bloodshed of this war are starting to get to me, I’ve been away from my family for too long, I don’t know when or if I’ll be going home, and I just wish we could get out of here... win or lose.” To which his inferior readily replied, “me and U-boat.”

Intern Explorer: The World’s Number 1 Blouser

This is the story of Clementine. A female feral cat born in an alleyway near the harbor of Baltimore. She’s made it this far on her own, but she faces yet another obstacle to prosperity. It turns out that she’s expecting, and will soon have mouths to feed. She’s much too young to be going through this, let alone to be going through this all by herself. Luckily for her, MTV/Viacom received word of her strife and reacted immediately. They'll pay her enough money to get through birthing her upcoming litter, in exchange for Clementine's role in their upcoming reality series:  “Six Teats And Pregnant.”

Prostate Exams: One of the few instances in life where getting fisted can earn you a pat on the back

If this article made you feel as if you completely wasted your time, TWID apologizes. Any offense generated was completely punintentional.