In a world of “here we are now, entertain us,” and an intense battle to provide recent news as recently as possible, TWID has decided to shove a hefty lever into the gears and submit an antiquated pop culture piece to the belly of the beast.
Al Bundy: A Real American Hero
The Ten Best Things About Al Bundy
Al Bundy was a crude, no-nonsense, master of satire. A Midwesterner well aware of the negativities in life, and able to spotlight them with entertaining delivery.
1. The fact that he’s a “deep seat diver”
Find an episode where Al Bundy doesn’t shove his hand into his pants and I’ll take my own out of my pants right now.
2. His love for football
Or sports in general. Early on in Season 1 he’s an implied Bulls die-hard, and as the series progresses we realize that he was a high school football standout with the promise of a college career... until a broken leg cut that short and led him into the trade of selling women’s footwear.
3. Acknowledging that his daughter “gets around”
Before Veronica Corningstone was making Ron Burgundy’s slacks tighten around the crotchal region, she was known as Christina Applegate. And from 1987-1997, she was fictional Chicago’s number one floozy. Al Bundy was aware of this, and as much as he objectified women, he detested other males for doing the same to his daughter.
4. Approaching women as if he were a neanderthal
Adding to the point from above, Al Bundy saw women from the bottom up in most instances, but in his mind, it seemed he was always interested in seeing their tops down.
5. Hating his neighbor
No matter the co-star cast as his neighbor, Al Bundy spent equal parts hating him and corrupting him. Sort of like Wilfred’s relationship with Ryan Newman, Al would covertly build artificial trust to witness the repercussions of his deceit when shit hit the fan with his neighbor.
6. Hating his neighbor’s wife even more
Marcy. He hated her from the moment he heard her name. Displaying an even more disgusted state of repulsion whenever she was on the same floorspace.
7. His griping dialogue and twisted sense of humor
Nobody griped like Al Bundy. And nobody was as entertaining in doing so. Sorry Archie Bunker, but Al Bundy was much funnier. The aforementioned master of satire knew how to spin negativity into even better negativity. A endless supply of antagonistic quips by Al Bundy carried this show for 11 seasons.
8. His strange libido
He’s tired when he gets back from work and the food he wants on the table isn’t ready yet. His wife’s uneasy pitch makes him shudder and he knows his kids only talk to him to extract some money. But when the kids are out, and the game is out of reach, he all of the sudden has a sex overdrive.
9. His regrets are funny
He truly regrets not being an asshole that is out on the town chasing women of the night. He wishes his collegiate football career would have worked out, and that his wife and kids went down in a plane crash. What a funny man.
10. Al has fantasies that we’re afraid to admit we have too
He refers to his marriage as a “tour of duty,” but his metaphors perk up from there. His sleazy fantasies occur in any setting, whether at the shoe store or in front of the TV. Each and every one of these chauvinistic daydreams rarely kept secretive from Peggy. Oftentimes, blaming her for interrupting them.
Oh and one more thing...
His dog talks.
