Craig Ryburn: Minor League Scout


This is what your typical Craig Ryburn scouting report looks like:

Soft hands. Electric arm. Possibly a neo-Nazi... but great body. Great body.

A template consisting of four short and ascending colorful sentences. The third being off the wall, the fourth explaining that the third doesn't result in a total loss. Instead of saying "he's got the tools" in summation of his report, he just re-iterates the fact that a good-looking prospect has a "Great Body."

Good burst. Quick bat. Most likely un-circumsized... but great body. Great body.

His scouting reports are quick and direct. Their best benefit is that they're incredibly easy to remember, and this makes delivering information up through the organization both easy and efficient. Everyone from the Minors to the Bigs knows this guy, and many are grateful that Craig Ryburn knows them.

Fantastic range. Jeter-like leadership. Hits multiple women... but great body. Great body.

If you have a character flaw, Craig Ryburn is gonna find it. This is what has kept him in the trade for 34 years. He knows how to put everything on the smallest of tables.

And sometimes when there really isn't a daunting character flaw present, the great Craig Ryburn just finds something else to add.

Good nose for the ball. Excellent bat speed. Looks like Jose Mesa... but great body. Great body.

He's discovered many greats: Otis Nixon, Orel Hershiser, Jeff Blauser, Doug Drabek, Tim Wakefield, and even Billy Ripken, Jr. His track record is truly remarkable. Finding diamonds in the rough more often than an Ivory Coast blood servant.

Jeff "Looks Great In A Blaus" er

He's monitored talent all over this country and within a few island nations. He prefers the warm weather, wearing a tank top and displaying his abnormally wide nipple breadth as he jots down notes about potential big leaguers.

Excellent 60-yard time. Looks natural out on the field. Sucks ass at Mario Kart... but great body. Great body.

Every circle in the scouting profession has been bubbled in by Craig Ryburn. He's an ever present enigma to others in the field. Concise, yet interesting. To the point, but thorough. The style of Craig Ryburn is unique, but the upside of his projecting is untouched and continues to be impeccable. The greatest influence on Major League Baseball that you've never heard of.

Good plate coverage. See's the ball well out of the pitcher's hand. Can correctly identify only four state capitals... but great body. Great body. Superb Body.