Would You Rather?

A hypothetical game that is older than the sands of Joan Rivers' vagina, Would You Rather pits the incredibly disgusting against the extremely unpleasant. What I've done, is further this hypothetical from a Dude perspective. Taking a fun little game and turning it into a bloodsport.

Feel free to turn this contribution below into several spirited debates of indecent philosophy.

Would You Rather be able to obtain an erection only when your mom was watching? Or live in a world where every woman you were attracted to was your first cousin?

Would You Rather fight a lion in a loincloth? Or have Rush Limbaugh sit on your face after a 3-hour squash match?

Would You Rather have the 5 worst moments of your life televised? Or have to shower in front of George R. R. Martin each time you needed to clean yourself?

Would You Rather get mauled by an aggressive Canine? Or only be able to watch FRIENDS whenever a television was on?

Would You Rather only be able to wear tight pant suits to work? Or never have any taste buds?

Would You Rather constantly smell like gasoline? Or suffer 30 zipper-to-genitalia flesh jams during random moments throughout your life?

Would You Rather be explosively lactose intolerant? Or unable to annunciate vowels?

Would You Rather only be able to communicate only through grunts? Or only through whistles?

Would You Rather own the world's nicest RV, but your dad would always have to be naked with you in it? Or own the world's nicest yacht, but you'd throw up every 25 minutes you were on it?

Would You Rather get punched in the head by Barry Larkin? Or licked 22 consecutive times by Roberto Alomar?

Would You Rather go to the World Cup, but then get eaten by flesh-hungry hooligans after it was over? Or go to the Super Bowl when your favorite team plays but then get burned alive during half-time?


Would You Rather be able to grow any facial hair combination possible in 3 minutes? Or be able to sniff cancer?

Would You Rather be the world's undisputed funniest person? Or the world's undisputed smartest person?

Would You Rather have your navel spew unlimited quantities of ketchup on command? Or have your anus quell wildfires?

Would You Rather be able to steal up to $50 worth of items twice a week with no consequence for the rest of your life? Or be able to steal one thing of unlimited value once?

Would You Rather be Spiderman? Or Batman?

Would You Rather telepathically change the television channel? Or use ESP to communicate with dolphins?

Would You Rather be a country music star? Or the face of the coolest Internet Meme ever made?

Would You Rather be able to breathe underwater? Or constantly smell awesome?

So there's a few just to get your next dude-on-dude conversations going. Feel free to riff off of these from home, and feel free to tweet some of your "zingers" to @thisweekindude.

Need more wolf-blood-enriched Dude content? How about this? Or this? Or... This.