Bohner And Walsh: Private Guys

CHAPTER 1: The Death of Frank Sanders 

"He died doing what he loved best... he was a proud member of the force, and we were.. um... are... uhh well... were... and still are... very proud of him. Frank Sanders will be missed, but he will not be forgotten." 

This was the beginning of the cliche-ridden eulogy prepared by Chief Len Gibbons, San Diego County Police Department (SDCPD). To put it delicately, Chief Gibbons had a horrible way with words, and he minced very few of them. This was regardless whether or not he was knowingly being blunt. 

When it came to delivering public speeches, his timing was awful, his delivery was off, and his phrasing was absurd. This eulogy was no different than any poorly-crafted press release from the SDCPD. On this occasion, many had just assumed that he was not emotionally configured for grief. And maybe that's why during the funeral of Detective Frank Sanders, the attendees did not react with uproar when he callously announced who would be filling this newly vacant position.

In between kind words, marginally offensive analogies, and a comment on the suppleness of Detective Sanders' skin, the Chief introduced a new member to the force. 

Enter Michael Philip Bohner. 27 years of age. Third in his class at Academy. The complete package. 

Chief Gibbons was not one to dwell on the past for very long, and this was evident 35 seconds into his commentary over the fallen Frank Sanders. Soon after he reiterated the grisly details of the shoot-out that took Frank's life, he began to speak of the future, of what he called the "next in line." An approach that was not exactly proper, but nevertheless uncharted territory in the realm of public speech at funerals. 

Thus begins the tale of the tandem... a story about a lead detective and his sidekick. An exposition that explores the dynamic of the good cop and the perpetually reluctant asshole. The Saga that is Bohner and Walsh: Private detectives. DIC's that are sometimes a little too private, a little too rigid, and regularly premature in firing. 

Michael Philip Bohner can best be described as an awkward and sexually repressed steward of awkwardness and sexual repression. Albeit, quite the intellectual. First in his class at nearly every stop along academia, Bohner was bright, promising, and was just a few strong personality traits (and a heaping helping of consensual sex) away from being the next big DIC.

He was a little bit of a pushover, but he did have a breaking point, which kept him from being a doormat. Despite these weak characteristics, he was both very aware, and perfectly fine with trying to improve upon them. An unbelievable quandary of a person really... a catch-22 of sorts. A person admittedly awkward and sexually repressed, completely understanding of it, yet not the least bit bothered by it. A man humbled by his success, and unduly understanding of his failures. A person that was always moving forward, always lifting his foot for the next step. 

"Mike, I'd like to introduce you to one of the biggest DIC's on the force. Derrick Walsh" 

"Hi detective Walsh, my name is Michael Bohner. Nice to meet you." 

"Bon-hurr? I've read your transcripts, and it still sounds like Boner to me, douche." 

Walsh was acclimating to his new partner swimmingly

For the next chapter in this compelling cop drama, click here

Sorry about that... here's the real second chapter