Equally Absurd NFL Playoff Predictions


The powers of TWID's prognostication returned a record of 2-2 during last week's opening round of the NFL playoffs.

This week, we promise equally absurd predictions, will probably take another drubbing, and will definitely make a few fan bases think differently after we perversely analyze their team.

Ravens At Broncos, Saturday January 12th,  4:30 PM

Ray Lewis is hungry, but old. Peyton Manning is also old, but bionic. We've been waiting for the rise of the machines for quite some time, and patient zero may be under center at Mile High.

Broncos 38  Ravens 10 - Peyton Manning drawls something incoherent during on-field postgame interview

Packers At 49ers, Saturday January 12th, 8 PM

Once again the Packers play at 8 o'clock EST. But their running game isn't as consistent as their Playoff schedule. And the rule of Harbaugh is that two of them can't lose on the same day.

49ers 27  Packers 24 - Mike Holmgren, although torn by the result, still looks like a Sea Lion

Seahawks At Falcons, Sunday January 13th, 1 PM

Great bird matchup. The Falcons desperately want to show the world that they're not going to once again choke at home. However, Pete Carroll has calmly and confidently built resolve back into his football team. Putting up with Bieber Mania back at FedEx showed that the Seahawks are for real, and they're a complete team capable of overcoming both a deficit and a hostile environment. As long as Russel Wilson doesn't keep making bad reads in the endzone.

Seahawks 20  Falcons 19 - Matt Ryan eats a hand grenade

Texans At Patriots, Sunday January 14th, 4:30 PM

This eerily feels a lot like the divisional playoff game back in 2011 between the Pats and the Jets. In Week 13 of 2010, The Patriots obliterated and embarrassed the Jets 45-3. But then the Jets came back to beat them (as a 6 seed) in the Playoffs, 28-21. In Week 13 of this season, the Patriots obliterated and embarrassed the Texans (and their Letterman jackets) 42-14. Could the same thing happen this time around? We're gonna respond to this baseless vibe.

Texans 21  Patriots 17 - Arian Foster carries the ball 65 times for 150 yards. Rex Ryan takes  a Sex Dart to his cervical vertebrae while "celebrating" at home with wife.