Better Motivator: Vince or Falco Lombardi?

"I firmly believe that any man's finest hour, the greatest fulfillment of all that he holds dear, is that moment when he has worked his heart out in a good cause and lies exhausted on the field of battle - victorious"--Vince Lombardi

"Hey Einstein! I'm on your side!" --Falco Lombardi

Although many of us did not play football for the Green Bay Packers under the helm of Vince Lombardi, many of us did play Starfox for Nintendo 64 under the constant scrutiny of Falco Lombardi. This obviously begs the question that has been bothering me for the last twenty minutes... Who truly was the better motivator?

This question should be forked off into several more specific questions of lesser degree. First off, who was the more direct motivator? Without a need to conduct a study, it is safe to say that the words allegedly spoken by Vince Lombardi have a better foothold in our country than the banter of Falco Lombardi. However, many dedicated Starfox 64 players probably eventually got the job done, they just needed a little negative reinforcement from Falco Lombardi in order to steer them in the right direction (hopefully not orthogonal to Falco's space cruiser).

1997's Greatest Use of Polygons

Is there any possible way to factually analyze this hot debate? Well actually, there might be. One clear assumption must be made before any others. For the purposes of this debate, we have to consider the realm of Falco Lombardi (his space if you will) to be somewhat tangible. If you can get past that, then you will find that one of these two was not receiving their just dues.

The factual ammunition for this argument comes from four things. The Wikipedia page on Starfox 64. The Wikipedia page on Falco Lombardi (Yes, as of July 19th, 2012 this page does exist, and it is actually pretty cool), the Wikipedia page on Vince Lombardi, and a handful of childhood memories playing the last blowable-cartridge system in my household with Starfox 64 loaded into it. If you don't find Wikipedia to be a credible-enough source, and would rather reference some Gamepro magazine from 1997, then go right ahead (it won't really matter anyway).

In case you didn't know, Falco Lombardi is an anthropomorphic falcon character and not a mutant version of some smaller bird. Vince Lombardi on the other hand, was an anthropomorphic swamp donkey. Falco Lombardi was highly predictable... to a fault. Vince Lombardi on the other hand, was actually a real person. Now that those important points have been cleared up, let’s continue with the inquiry.

If it was up to one or the other (and only one or the other) to get you out of bed in the morning, who would it be? If you want my opinion, it is definitely not Vince Lombardi. Something else will get me out of bed before I hit up my Steve Sabol archives and investigate the Vince Lombardi phenomenon. However, if I were on a Starfox 64 binge (which oddly reoccurs every 4 and a half years), I probably would get out of bed to play Starfox 64 out of satisfying my own withdrawal. Is it fair to make an assertion that Falco Lombardi performs better at this prong of the test when we are quite possibly dealing with a nostalgic video game addict? How about answering a question with a question? Is it really fair to be comparing a dead swamp donkey to an imaginary blue falcon? This point goes to Falco Lombardi, albeit indirectly.

One is a god in Green Bay
The other isn't even really real

Here's another hypothetical that might blaze your mind. Which of the two would most likely put you to sleep? Falco Lombardi was usually doing one of two things for me. He was either a) criticizing me with abrasive/1980's acceptable sarcasm or b) leading me into yet another adventure. What did Vince Lombardi do for me? Nothing that affected my life in any interactive/instantaneous sense. With Falco Lombardi I was forced to act instantly, with Vince Lombardi I had nearly infinite time to ponder. This question further displays that the quality of a great motivator lies in the context in which their message was received. Both messages most likely received in a dimly-lit family room, but Falco came across much more direct. Vince on the other hand was a victim of the Technicolor and aged film appearance that captured most of his recorded contributions. If this were the WNBA finals, Falco Lombardi moves on with a literally unseen 3-0 sweep.

One final attempt to see if Vince Lombardi can turn the tables. Lets look at the supporting cast for each and evaluate their effect on them. Falco Lombardi had to work/deal with the likes of Peppy Hare and Slippy Toad. You may recall that Peppy Hare was the one possibly responsible for the death of Fox's father. Upon his return to Corneria, Peppy appeared to exhibit life-altering affects from a recent dogfight, limiting his vocabulary to just one phrase: "do a barrel-roll!". Slippy Toad was no shining star either. Although he was loyal to Fox and reasonably intelligent, he had a palpable distaste for Falco. It was obvious that Slippy Toad was only on the missions out of devotion to Fox. Even considering his loyalty though, Slippy Toad was an absolutely awful pilot and constantly required help from the rest of the team. Vince Lombardi on the other hand was put in a leadership position over arguably one of the best sports franchises of all time. He also had the likes of Bart Starr to absorb some of the duties from him. Also, if you have ever been to Green Bay, this place lives, eats, and excretes football. How hard can it be to motivate someone to success given these rare assets?

Lets just face it... Falco Lombardi was an unforeseen juggernaut. Rock me Amadeus.