Bob Dylan once sang a song about eyebrows... using mostly his eyebrows and an old, beat-up harmonica...
Few features are as readily masculine as a thick set of eyebrows. Put a bushy pair on the forehead of a woman, and people begin to ask questions. Connect them to form one brow for both eyes, and people begin to think along the line from Lurch to Anthony Davis. A line of oddities arising from an attribute that goes unnoticed until it’s overgrown.
Its most overgrown embodiment, “The Unibrow” connects two chasms. One above the bridge of the nose, and another beneath the cover of covert social commentary. When we see one in nature, we immediately do a double-take. Then text our entire contact list the most excited message about facial hair ever.
A first encounter seems sort of preparatory for a Unicorn sighting. We’ve heard that both the Unicorn and Unibrow may exist, but we’ve never seen them in person. Viewing a Unibrow up close for the first time is enough to make you fill your pants in the same manner as seeing the aforementioned - and now prancing - Unicorn. And it can be about as shocking as seeing a John Candy look-a-like feeding oven-warmed brownies to the spitting image of a naked Chris Farley. It could very well be our maker’s way of getting us ready for evolution’s most remarkable achievement.
But this isn't a piece about Unicorns, and two dead guys (one completely naked) fist-feeding each other moist, hot brownies. That's for another essay. Let’s swing back to the Unibrow...
Something Browrowed, Something New
There exists a unique social fixation with “The Unibrow.” It’s a feature that catalyzes mockery, and brings out the gawker in all of us. If you have one, you’ve gotta own it. If you don’t own up to it, you better shave it, and if you shave it, you better minimize the tan line and come out looking natural.
If you choose to own it, you’ve gotta take Anthony Davis’ approach. He’s answered the calling of his combined forces of follicles so well, that he’s trademarked the phrases “fear the brow” and “raise the brow.” Evidently pursuing the purest form of capitalization, by owning the owning.
And he’s very shrewd in doing so. His brand of unibrow has become a battleground for joke butts. Becoming so popular that it even has a Twitter account.
The unibrow can be insulted or exalted. But it can also be a calling card. A bright light in what people once considered to be an immense social blind spot. A red flag in hygiene, until Anthony Davis showed us you can wave the red flag yourself.
What Davis has done is an example of owning up to yourself, admitting you might have a shortcoming, but then pointing out its uniqueness. Showing people that it really shouldn’t be shunned by embracing it. And then waiting for them to do the same.
This Time The Levy Wasn’t Dry
Eugene Levy shows us the other case, leaving us wondering whether or not he realizes the devastating density of his eyebrows. Eyebrows that appear be a precursor to a California wild fire.
He's finally owned up to his unequal allotment in American Reunion, but this seems like a weak attempt at reviving his fledgling net worth. With Anthony Davis, it feels like we know a person that reminds us of him. The type of person that takes instant coffee and turns it into hot chocolate. Being bold in the process, transforming an oddity into something of interest. Sort of like the fat guy that everyone liked in high school. With Eugene Levy, we think maybe he’s implicitly standing up for Eastern Europeans or something.
We’ve definitely seen the Eugene Levy archetype. The farthest we have to look is public transportation. Or, like mentioned before, Eastern Europe. The dark bristly hair that makes us think of a push broom. The thumbnail width of brow tuft that makes one wonder just how much forehead real estate does this man have left?
As alluded to, many times the eyebrow is not noticed. But when there’s hair in excess, it enters into conversation. A discussion of either an enigma... or a walking, talking, lucrative billboard.
Other notable unibrows:
