As our society approaches infinity, each and every person will have had something bad said about them by someone else.
It doesn't matter if it's a byproduct of personal inadequacies, or if the person being shit on is just a real piece of work, the odds of defamatory shit-talking taking place hit better than even. And unless you’re lying to yourself, you’ve done some shit-talking as well. Don't be afraid that you aren't immune.
Talking shit about someone while they're not in the room is one of our oldest and most reliable social quaaludes. It's destructively soothing in the sense that it helps you calibrate your sanity- a free therapy session overseen by those unlicensed and unprofessional. A way of molting away an ugly emotional layer.
Exercising this too much will make you an asshole, but doing it sparingly for the sake of soundness of mind is perfectly acceptable. Because nobody is perfect (not even Tim Tebow), and nobody is above a fair amount of criticism without being hypocritically critical.
Reasonable shit-talking is a hidden social norm (everyone does it, yet nobody acknowledges that everyone does it).
People tend to get up in arms in saying "don't talk shit behind my back," or lean on the sophomoric adage "true friends stab you in the front." But that's vintage bullshit. You should damn well know that they've done the same thing that they are accusing other people of doing, and their brief spout of piety is usually for the sake of wanting to project an image of stellar character. It’s the same reason this kind of person boasts the coordinates of the moral high ground each time a divisive issue grips our country. They take a complex subjective situation and turn it into a simple objective problem that they suddenly have the expertise to solve.
Yeah, true friends will 'man up' and be honest in their criticisms of you once-in-a-while. But that's the reason they're still your friend, because that's something they only do "once-in-a-while."
Our lives are not all on record within a court of law. We're not dealing with slanderous libel each time we’re allegedly blasphemed. Saying a few things about a buddy behind their back when it's a true and honest insight is just a way of vetting out possibly fabricated ideas from true feelings about that person. I'm not saying you have free-reign to talk shit about every nuance you find in other people, but you also shouldn't double your guilt because you may have said something bad (yet true) about another person. You're not a slime ball, you're a person. And probably a decent one too.
People need to vent about things while at the same time not coming across as ungrateful assholes. And one of the best ways to accomplish this, is to confide in another friend. You don't want the person that annoys you ever-so-often to think that you bitch about everything, so you bitch about everything to someone else. And it somewhat makes you feel better, both helping you to tolerate the focal point of your interpersonal rant and possibly receive some affirmation that you’re not off base. Letting a little steam off is better than exploding and inevitably alienating yourself from this person over an end sum of grievances that will appear trivial in hindsight.
Remember, this is therapeutic. Go ahead and give qualifying statements. Statements such as "he's not a bad guy, but..." or "I'd hate to say something bad about this person, but..." So what if you sound like you're on the fence? So what if you might think you're acting like a pussy? Don't let the misguided ideal of machismo get in the way. These are things that need to come out, one way or another. And it's better that they come out through a venting session than a stomach ulcer.
"I don't care what other people think" is something stupid people say to protect their ignorance. Or a lie that some people have convinced themselves to believe. We all have feelings. Of course you care about what other people think, or at least you should. Because much self-improvement comes from evaluating your legitimate criticisms. You're an evolving, changing person, not a cinder block. What you should say is "I don't care what most people think," or "I don't care what some people think." If someone is just seeking to tear you down, then you invalidate their opinion. It’s easier said than done, but it's key for strong mental health.
We would like to think we have most things under control, and we would like to think we have a grasp on what 'reality' really is. But at times we don't. And at times, it's very intelligent to admit that we have absolutely no fucking clue. If you could understand exactly where this world was heading, you probably wouldn't be reading blog articles underneath the fluorescent radiance of your stuffy office. And you most certainly wouldn't need to be deriving any sort of "pep talk” from me.
It's an unwritten truth that some people suck. Okay...a lot of people suck. And it's sad to say, but safe to admit that we find comfort in other people agreeing with us as to the extent at which they suck. No matter how independent you think you are, we are a social species. We thrive off of interaction, and we tend to bolster ourselves through reinforcement of our opinions, thoughts, and feelings.
Everyone talks shit, and its continued practice will most likely not change. There are probably people talking shit about you right now. But don't let it get to you, don't jump to assumptions, and don't take it personal. It's their opinion, and it's probably just an emotional extrapolation from misconstrued facts (simply put). But that’s them, and you’re you. If they happen to be right, then maybe you needed to find out eventually. If they happen to be wrong, guess what? They were wrong. Ultimately you define who you are. You are the captain of your own ship. And just because they are talking shit, doesn't imply that you have to eat it.
