TWID Glossary -- 2012

Like every great Manthology, there needs to be an Appendix. And like every great Appendix, we're gonna refer to it as a Glossary.

Before you blackout in 2012 and wake up in 2013, take some time to enjoy the 2012 TWID glossary... then put this away and let the viral nature of 2012 get completely inoculated.


- a boner around dudes

Buick LeSabre
- 6-cylinder geriatric hot rod.

Cat Assassin
- Yogi Berra's current job position, which he fulfills with diligent senility.

Cat Scratch Stevens
- a great cover band that hasn't toured or even existed. Seger Genesis usually opens for them.

Cho-ed Football
- a level of competitive sport so diluted that tools have taken over; calling plays and manipulating audibles

Come And Git It!
- The calling card of the World's most abrasive, yet wildly beloved Southwestern Desert Recluse.

Dragon Ball-Sy
- staying up past your bedtime to watch Anime.

- a Category 2 Natural Dudesaster that strikes swift and sudden, and is both caused and exacerbated by alcohol. Several warning signs will make themselves known, over and over again: the voice volume demodulation, the belching, the slurring rants about politics and what seems to sound like baseball.

- broad bargain brand that covers everything from golf clubs to all-weather radials

Gray Hair-ea
- the subjective bounds that define what is Samprian when it comes to chest hair.

- It's simple. Just take any of your favorite Instagrams, and improve them by placing a graham cracker in the immediate foreground. A filter beyond all other filters.

Graham Cracker meet Cat: former heir of the Internet

King Of America
- cold-blooded Patriot, diehard Styx fan, and vapid consumer of hot dogs

Luke Langley
- a man bewitched by the ability to grow a mustache anytime, anywhere.

Man Francisco
- a city for men, built by men. A Metropolis with a steadfastly declining population due to a lack of surrogate women.

Man Francisco Bitmap

- Looks like an ice shanty from the outside, looks like a back alley NYC sex booth on the inside. It should be placed in the middle of a secluded room, and used for the one thing that attention-deprived men do best.

- acronym representing "Name Age Recognition System." Helps you tell the difference between a Bill and a Billy, and a William from a Dick.

Roseanne Barr
- an involuntary leader of men. Strong, indomitable, and built on a wide base.

Summa Cum Pawde
- don't pay attention to the interior word of the title (it's Latin, I swear), and pay attention to what the title means. It is the most distinguished honor in all of Dog Obedience School.

One ribbon is for participation, the other for record peanut butter cleanup time

- condensed Pig Latin for "TWID on Twitter."

- before there were States, there were Empires. Leading many of these Empires were Dynasties. At the center of the greatest Dynasty of them all was Xanadude. The perfect civilization.

- a line of clothing that was popular back when Marv Levy had a sex drive.